Open letter about how to walk through the destruction & find beauty on the other side {a personal story} - PART 2
How "chaos" becomes the soil for reclaiming who you truly are.
Read PART 1 of this story here
Each time I allowed myself to walk into a situation I had been catastrophising all my life, I realised that it presents a {welcome} relief. The opportunity to let part of a matrix collapse - and the chaos becomes the soil that composts the old story | pattern | trauma-state and simultaneously holds the seed of remembering who I always was.
It took courage to take a flamethrower and walk through destruction of everything that I was still holding on to. Releasing the grip on expected “normality” and burning the layers of distortion I was carrying in my field. In the end, I did land on the sacred ground: an unwavering sense of safety I had been seeking all along.
I had become so familiar with life that didn’t feel safe no matter what, regardless if a real threat was actually present or not. It’s mind-blowing that it IS possible to feel safety, even bliss, regardless of actual challenges. It took deep commitment to hold the pressure without losing the centre and running for cover.
Here are the 5 distilled learnings that anchored the new frequency {calm, grounded and relaxed state that holds enormous creative potential}:
1. The past is relative and fluid.
We think the past is fixed: that the way we remember & interpret it holds true no matter what. As a way of protection from further pain, we lock in our memories rather than re-create conditions to rewrite the stories we hold onto and allow the future to be clear of past distortions.
When I re-created the conditions that I thought to have created the initial “trauma”, I realised that my long-held story that “no-one cares”, “no-one can be trusted”, or that there’s “no safety anywhere” was not the truth. I was given so much love and care, and I always had a safety net holding me. Letting go of the old imprint required vulnerability, courage and re-connection.
2. The key is to normalise “The Void” and become comfortable with not knowing how long it will last.
“The Void” is the liminal {restoration} space that feels something like emptiness: there’s no inherent motivation nor energy for creating anything, no will to push, force, connect or build. Just to stay in this inner stillness and full surrender. Much like sitting in a waiting room with no promise of an appointment - which can last hours, days, weeks or months.
“The Void” is actually not nothingness, but a threshold. A sacred invitation and opportunity to become truly present, only moved by whatever unfolds moment by moment.
I experienced a 4-month period of Void throughout the summer of 2023, after my grandfather’s passing. I knew it was a stepping stone & initiation into a deeper intimacy with life: it was the first time I did not have capacity nor desire to create anything, yet it wasn’t burnout nor exhaustion. Neither was it comfortable: I had no idea how long the unknowingness would last, and had no financial buffer to ensure the material comfort for a longer period of time. Yet, I knew deep in my bones that “taking action” as usual was not on the agenda either.
